His Solace
by Boston Knight
Summary: Ignorance is bliss, had been for Penelope anyway. How can she recover after Derek kisses her in a moment of weakness?
1. Chapter 1

_AN: This is the very first chapter of my very first fanfiction story and I would love to know what you all think._

Derek just stared around the now, mostly empty house. He was still entirely awestruck by the situation, so much so that even with a loud knock at the front door, the gentle click of heels on hardwood and the sudden appearance of a gorgeous albeit somber looking blond nothing roused him. He just watched the leaves blow off the porch beyond the sliding glass doors, though his brain registered none of it.

"Derek," Penelope whispered gently. Removing the nearly empty whiskey bottle and placing her hand in his she sat beside him and just waited. He would speak to her when he was ready.

Looking around it was fairly clear what had happened.

"She will not be coming with me to Chicago," he barely whispered. "I hope you can return the ticket."

"Oh baby," she whispered soothingly. "Don't worry about that."

"She wouldn't even stop to listen. She just kept…she just…" he suddenly balled his fist up furiously but Penelope was quicker grabbing his face with hands.

"Hey, hey, just talk to me. I'm here."

He laughed darkly. "That's what she kept saying. 'If you need to talk so bad, go find Penelope'."

She sat back lowering her hands. There was almost a hint of malice in his voice but she swallowed the flippant remark that bubbled up knowing his words were not coming from a rational place. Then he scowled at himself as if he too realized his harshness and shook his head.

" _Trina saw you." Savannah spat through tears stuffing a blanket into the box in front of her. "You haven't been home in over a week and you decide it's more important to go grab a drink with her then come home."_

" _Babe you don't know…."_

" _Stop. I wish this was the first, hell the fifth time, one of my friends thought you were stepping out on me for your blonde friend but it's not and I can't pretend its ok anymore."_

" _You know it's not like that…"_

" _No, Derek, I don't think you even know what it's like. And I know I said I could share you with your job but I can't with her as well."_

" _Just let me talk to you."_

" _If you want to talk go find Penelope."_

 _And with that she was gone._

Penelope didn't know what to say. They had unfortunately been down this path before; Kevin, Tanya, most recently Sam, and now Savannah. No one understood what they meant to each other, or perhaps no one could accept it. Penelope had. She understood why Kevin and Sam had their jealousy. Her heart would likely always belong to Derek, even if he would never know, but Savannah had no reason to worry. Penelope's heart may have belonged to Derek, but the reverse was not true and she would be the last person to stand in the way of her best friend's happiness. And with Savannah, Penelope was sure Derek had never been happier.

Unable to come up with anything better she finally stated, "Your flight leaves in 7 hours. You should rest if you can." She stood up and held her hand out to him.

He looked up at her, his expression broken, "Stay with me?"

"Of course Sugar," she said leading him to the bedroom.

He looked exhausted but lying in bed he didn't shut his eyes, instead just studied her and played absentmindedly with her hair.

"Do you think she's right?"

"What that handsome?" she murmured without opening her eyes.

"Do you think I will ever make anyone happy? That my relationship with you will just always get in the way?"

Her eyes flew open shocked by what he was saying, but when she met his eyes she wasn't sure what she was seeing behind them.

"I'm scared P."

"I know." She whispered caressing his cheek. "But you will be okay."

"I just want to feel something other than this hole inside me," he stated still searching her face.

"You will, it will just take time. You know I'm a big believer in 'everything happens for a reason,' right now we simply don't know what that reason is. But til then I'm here to remind you of all the things to keep you from being hollow and help keep you calm."

He smiled and looking at her he felt reassured by her words. She had always filled his heart and never let him feel alone. He needed that. Moving his hands back further into her hair, winding his fingers around the back of her neck, he leaned in and nuzzled against her cheek and whispered into her ear, "this, this feels nice…calming."

Before she could think she felt his lips on her neck and the butterfly kisses he was trailing down to her shoulder. It would be so easy to forget the world in that moment, but Penelope's brain wouldn't let her.

"Whoa baby boy, sounds like the whiskey is talking," She tried to sound like her flirty self, hoping to brush this off.

"Make me feel better baby girl," he said nibbling on her ear. "I need to forget."

It wasn't that it didn't feel amazing, because everything he was doing to her was reverberating through her and her heart was beating so fast. No if she didn't stop him soon she was in danger of not being able to stop him at all.

"Ok hot stuff, sleepy time," she breathed, her voice much deeper then she planned.

He looked up at her and the fire in his eyes was so hard to ignore. She had longed to see him look at her like that for years, but she didn't trust it and when she broke his eye contact to hide the pain in her own, he grabbed her and kissed her.

The kiss itself began tentative, as though he was asking for permission, and in that moment she forgot all her reservations and met it with her own suppressed need. When a small moan escaped her lips he pushed her down against the bed and the kiss grew hungry.

"My god baby girl, I need this…I need you. It's all too much, I need my solace."

When he said solace, reality crashed back into her. He had called her that before and she'd been foolish enough to believe it meant something more. It hadn't then and now… This was her best friend, this was a broken man, and this was not right.

Tears caught in the back of her throat and she had to fight them to say, "No Derek. I won't be the temporary solution to your problems. "

He stopped and looked her in the eyes, hurt and pain evident, "P, I need you."

"You need sleep Derek." She said moving from the bed.

"P, don't go. I will be good."

"I'm sorry Derek."


	2. Chapter 2

_AN: Thanks for the response to the first chapter! I sadly am only borrowing the characters, I own nothing!_

The next morning Derek awoke to the delicious smell of bacon crisping and clumsily stumbled out of bed, making his way toward the kitchen. His head pounded and for the life of him he couldn't recall even heading to bed last night.

A smile graced his lips when he saw Penelope dancing around. She was bouncing between frying the eggs and bacon, cleaning the kitchen as she went, and prepping toast. Noticing the go bag with an airplane ticket tucked under the strap he felt so thankful for his friend. Even if he couldn't remember it, he clearly put out the bat signal and his baby girl once again came to his rescue.

"Hey hot stuff," she practically sang pulling her ear buds out. "Coffees all set and if you give me two secs I will have your breakfast."

"You're a Godsend P," he said pouring himself a glass and sitting at the island.

"Don't I know it Angel," she laughed prepping two plates and sitting across from him. "Eat up. You have half an hour before the cab shows up and you should be all set to head out."

Before he could say anything she continued, "oh and your mom called to let you know that if your plane lands before 2 she wants you to just meet them at the funeral home."

The reality of the situation hit him again and darkness settled over his features. He loved his aunt, she finally had her daughter back, and it just seemed so unfair that she was taken so soon after. Penelope reached over the island and grabbed his hand. "I wish I could go with you."

"Don't even baby girl," he said remembering their conversation at the bar the night before. "You have been so excited about teaching your 'techlings' and it's been difficult enough for Hotch to give you time to do so."

"You know you're more important sweetie," she replied quietly.

"I will have more support then I know what to do with, and besides I'm still holding you to your promise."

"Speed dial, day/night I don't care! I'm here!" She said with a mock salute.

"Silly girl." Glancing quick at his clock he said, "I gotta quick shower."

"No worries!" She replied, "I will finish cleaning up and Clooney and I have a hot date with your neighbor."

"Ha-ha, I bet Alfred loves that!" He said heading back to his bedroom, thinking of the 60 year old and his adoration for both the dog and his blonde friend.

He chuckled to himself when he got into the bathroom. His clothes were laid out, a towel rested next the sink, and a bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water lay beside it. Penelope seemed to have thought of everything. He'd almost forgotten what it was like to be able to lean on someone like this. Savannah had tried her best but she was as busy, if not busier then he was sometimes so he never depended on her for the little things. Penelope always just sort of knew what he needed…even sometimes before he even knew himself. Maybe that's why he called her after he learned of his aunt's passing and not his girlfriend. He just didn't depend on Savannah that way.

As the cascade of water helped wash away some of the hangover, the ache in his heart began to overwhelm him. It wasn't even because Savannah had left. He could live with that. It was the knowledge that he still couldn't let anyone in and the dread of being alone forever crept back into his mind. He thought this time, this relationship, he'd finally figured it out.

Drying off and dressing, he knew the truth of it. He only had room to let one person in and as he watched her wrangle the big dog into his lead he knew he already had. 10 years was a long time to love someone and he did love her, but he knew she would never be his. Even if she wasn't seeing Sam, even if she didn't work with him, even if he disregarded the thousands of reasons he had given himself not to pursue her over the years, he knew his baby girl would never be his. He loved her too much to risk her with him. Besides she had Sam, and seemed relatively happy. He would never take that from her.

Smiling he grabbed the bag, his jacket, and quick gave her a peck on the cheek as he was out the door. The cab sat idle on the curb and he hurried to the rear door. He steeled himself from glancing back to the house. If he looked back he knew he wouldn't be able to go. He was strong, but today he wanted to just bury himself in her and never let go.

It was probably good he didn't look back because her smile finally fails and she couldn't hide her feelings anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: So I can safely say that my muse is trying to take this story in a few different directions and I finally have decided to just roll with it haha. I am only borrowing the characters!_

Her first day back she was hoping would be a relatively ordinary day at the BAU. Of course, by ordinary Penelope imagined it would be a relatively quiet day. Sure it was her first day back in six weeks so the pile of backlogged work would be immense but she didn't mind. Her only major concern was seeing the team…ok, Derek.

The team had just returned home from a case earlier last week so the likelihood of running into Derek was rather high, but she couldn't help but feel encouraged that she might be able to slip in rather quietly when she stepped off the elevator to an empty bullpen.

Glancing at her watch she laughed at herself. She was still on California time and as such she had arrived just minutes before 7 am.

Walking into her office and turning on the light, Garcia's eyes lit up. A huge 'Welcome Home' banner written in pink glitter hung across the back wall. Little smudges around the letters and the curve of the letters all pointed to JJ and an overly helpful Jack.

Perhaps being back wouldn't be so bad, she thought wistfully. Her nerves had resurfaced the minute the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac. California had been a great distraction, but if her dreams were any indication she was far from forgetting…which, if she was truly honest, was what she truly wanted. His touch haunted her dreams and every time she closed her eyes she saw the same heat in his eyes. She didn't know how to act around him, look at him after seeing…after feeling…

Frustrated she threw one of her fluffy pens across the room and half growled as she threw her hands over her eyes and leaned back in her chair.

"Now, Kitten, I've had a lot thrown at me in my life, mostly justifiably, however I can honestly say that was the first time I've ever ducked from a lime green feather projectile."

"Oh Rossi! I'm so sorry!" She jumped up and ran over to the unharmed Italian and gave him a big hug.

"Welcome back," he said settling a kiss upon her hair. "Saw your light and had to see for myself if the great Penelope Garcia could actually have beaten me to work."

She laughed, "Apparently all these years all I needed to do was change time zones…"

She trailed off as she watched the trail of agents entering the bullpen. Watching her team minus one tall, dark, and handsome problem walk in she felt home. JJ half waved and they each began to settle into their respective desks though she could tell Rossi would not be her only visitor this morning.

So it wasn't like her heart stopped beating the moment he first moved through the doors and into her line of vision, it was more like someone jolted her and she wanted to hide like some silly 12 year old girl seeing her crush for the first time. Derek's features hadn't changed a bit in six weeks, but it was like she was seeing him with new eyes. She couldn't stop watching the way his white shirt pulled tight around his muscular arms or how nicely his dark slacks fit around his backside. She knew she was flushing red and with Rossi in the room to witness it she was sure she'd die of embarrassment, however all thoughts of Derek, her team, the BAU, and really any thoughts at all left her as she caught sight of the three men who just entered the room.

"Sorry Rossi, can you excuse me?" She asked mostly out of formality because she'd already headed out of the office…

"Hey Garcia!" Reed greeted her, though she just kind of nodded at him. He looked over at Rossi who shrugged and back at Morgan who had an equally bewildered look.

Hotch and Cruz were talking with a gentlemen as she approached and Aaron smiled when he saw her.

"Welcome back Garcia."

"Uh, thank you sir," she responded distractedly.

Quietly she whispered, "Bryce?"

The third man turned from them to Garcia. He was tall with sun kissed skin and blonde hair and while Derek might have been gorgeous onyx, this man was liquid gold. When he saw her his eyes lit up and he scooped her up in a big hug practically twirling her around, "Hey beautiful, miss me?"


	4. Chapter 4

A _N: Couldn't stop writing! Promise I will get back to some Morgan POV but this just couldn't wait. (Character borrowing. I own nothing)_

She couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. "Miss you?" she mused coyly, "I barely left you 2 days ago."

"Longest days of my life darling girl," he replied.

Cruz interrupted, "Agent Jordan was briefing us on the tech seminar. Penelope, if you would join us in my office."

"Yes sir," she replied as if she just remembered where she was. Quickly glancing behind her she caught Rossi's bemused look, Reid and JJ exchanging looks, and Morgan looking rather grumpy.

Following Cruz, Penelope quick looked at Hotch who gave her a shrug indicating her guess was as good as his. The four of them filed into the section chief's office and took respective seats inside. Cruz and Hotch were competing for best poker face while Bryce looked like the cat that caught the canary. Penelope likely would have kicked him, though seeing as he was technically her superior Cruz might have frowned on that.

After what felt like an eternity of silence to Penelope, Cruz finally spoke, "How was the conference?"

Penelope just blinked; small talk and Cruz didn't seem to work so well. Still she nervously rambled, "It was great. California is beautiful. The techs were amazing. We were improving production scores so much so I thought I might have been hacked…but I wasn't. I checked. Twice. They just really seemed to respond to my tips and I do hope I helped."

Bryce started laughing and even Hotch had to suppress a smile.

Penelope instantly quieted and turned a nice shade of crimson.

"I don't think she even took a breath during that explanation Cruz," Bryce snickered.

Cruz seemed less amused, but stated, "Every report and every email I have received shares Agent Jordan's…enthusiasm. From what I can tell, the success you had is extremely promising."

"Oh good," she breathed, though still unsteady.

"I've also been made aware that we may be wasting your considerable resources on just the BAU and that keeping you as a tech analyst is no longer the right option."

At this Hotch interrupted alarmed, "Sir?"

"Ms. Garcia, I no longer think you are correct for your position."

"Wait, am I being fired?!" She tried to think of anything recently she may have done. "I pay for my own internet now, I haven't hacked anyone's email in at least a year, expect to save JJ and that doesn't count, and I stopped calling Derek 'Chocolate Thunder' on speaker phone."

At this Bryce started laughing more, "No Garcia, what he's trying to get to, though he sure is taking his sweet time…um sir respectively, is that I've been sent here to ask you to consider coming and teaching full time."

She just sat there awestruck. Even Hotch looked like he'd been punched in the stomach.

"Sir, could I perhaps speak to Ms. Garcia for a moment?" Bryce stated.

Cruz nodded and led a very sour looking Hotch out of the room.

After closing the door for privacy, Bryce knelt in front of Penelope, "Hey, I wanted to say something last week but they wouldn't until they'd officially made up their mind."

"You knew about this last week!" she said jumping to her feet practically knocking him over.

"I had an idea, but I couldn't tell you. You know how the FBI is."

She scowled at him and then completely flabbergasted couldn't decide which emotion she wanted to start with so she started with the most rational thing she could think of, "If I say no, am I still going to be able to work at the BAU?"

"I don't know." He said quietly. They'd spent enough time talking together that he knew what the BAU meant to her. "All I know for sure is I'm suppose to throw money at you till you say yes."

"Bryce!" she half laughed.

"I'm not kidding Garcie, they want you bad. Not that I blame them," he said with a wink.

"I can't, I mean, I'm not…"

"Don't answer right now, just think about it. I'm actually here on another note…well technically more than one, but I was analyzing the linguistics of some code you helped me recover last week and I think we might have found an abduction ring and it sounds like your team is the one getting assigned to help me."

"Oh," she replied, more than a little shell shocked.

"I told them not to just throw this at you this morning, but you just couldn't resist coming to talk to me."

She stuck her tongue out at him without thinking.

"Go relax, have some coffee, we can talk more later," he said with a smile ushering her to the door. "Oh and Garcie?"

She stopped midway out and looked back at him.

"If it helps, your office would be right next to mine…"


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Okay couple of things: Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing! I am having so much fun writing this! Also don't kill me for the way this chapter ends (I like my drama). And finally I still only borrow these characters!_

"And you didn't think I deserved to know?"

"Aaron, I just found out this morning myself. They are extremely adamant about it." Cruz replied sounding almost defeated himself.

"She is a part of my team and you made it sound as though she was no longer need."

"Perhaps that was the wrong tact, but they may simply need her more. Imagine someone with her skill training all of our entry level analysts. This seminar she taught at hosted some of the most brilliant techs in the FBI and she had their ability to recover and research data in such a productive manner that in some cases the techs cut their times in half."

Morgan hadn't meant to eavesdrop but after seeing Hotch practically storm out of Cruz's office he wanted to see if his friend was okay. Now he stood rather frozen in place.

"I want it made clear that we still want and need her here."

"Aaron, I know she's been a part of your team for a long time…"

"Ten years," Hotch cut in.

"I just think you need to prepare yourself for the probability that by this time next week Penelope Garcia will no longer be working at the BAU."

Morgan could barely stand and clutched the wall for support. His baby girl, his best friend, his one solace left in this world was leaving.

 _"What's got you all smiley," his sister Sara teased as she finished putting the last mixing bowl in the sink._

 _Morgan quickly switched off his phone and put it in his back pocket._

 _"Is that Savannah?" Desiree piped in from the couch in the living room. "Tell her doctors deserve time off too!"_

 _"You two leave your brother alone. Besides its not Savannah sweetie." Fran interjected. "There's only been one girl I know of that came make Derek smile like that." She shot her son a knowing look and smile._

 _"Oh tell Pen I said hey and that I'm super jealous she's in California where its warm and not here," Sara said staring out at the bleak misty gray sky and snuggling up to Desiree pulling a big flannel blanket over the two of them._

 _Derek laughed though if he admitted he would much rather be in California as well. But for him it was the warmth of his baby girl's smile that drew him and nothing to do with the weather. After teasing her this morning about whether any of her 'students' had brought an apple for the teacher she sent him an Instagram of an apple martini captioned 'my colleagues here have a much better idea on how to warm up this teacher xoxo.'_

 _Sighing, wishing he could just relax with her, he picked up a dish from the strainer and began to dry it. The funeral had been two days prior and Derek wouldn't fly out until later in the week. He wanted to make sure his family had everything they needed before he headed back to Virginia. Whenever life got too crazy or stressful his family always baked together. The four of them pinned in him Mama's small kitchen always made for an interesting time. The fridge was currently filled with casseroles and now the counter-tops were lined with various cookies and random desserts. Fran already decided they would take most of it down to the local shelter._

 _"Savannah is no longer in your life," his mother stated gently patting him on the back as she moved from one side of the kitchen to the other taking the dry dish with her. He had had no idea how he was going to tell her, but he wasn't the least bit surprised she already knew. Some days he knew exactly where his profiler instincts came from._

 _He nodded, more or less because he really wasn't sure what to say._

 _"Penelope is?" This time there were several questions in just those two words._

 _"She's an amazing friend Ma." Derek stated not looking up at her knowing what she'd read in his face if he did._

 _"Of course," Fran said sitting at the table. She motioned for him to join her and she took his hand after he took a spot to her right. "I will say this one thing and never speak on it again. Your father was my best friend. He loved me for longer than I ever knew. We wasted so much time trying to preserve our friendship…"_

 _She trailed off smiling though it was a sad smile. Derek was surprised. He'd never heard that about his parents before._

 _Meeting his eyes she said, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that when life hands you a perfect partner you are meant to dance with them, not around them."_

When he could feel his legs under him, he turned and headed back towards Cruz's office. If this was his one last chance, he wouldn't miss it. He steeled himself to be whatever she needed right now and swore he would find a way to tell her how he felt. He, however, could not have been more unprepared for the woman he saw. Penelope, far from distraught, exited the office with a smile on her lips and her eyes laughing. He stopped dead once again and just watched her. Especially as this mystery agent poked his head out the door and called to her.

"Crap Garc, there are fifty billion things happening right now so I almost forgot. Lunch? You, me?"

"It's a date," she fired back before navigating through the bullpen and back to her office.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: My muse and I are not speaking right now...she has a plan, I'm getting impatient. I apologize this chapter's so tiny, but until we are both on the same page I cannot give you guys the next two chapters. I do hope to complete them very soon! (Character borrowing I own nothing.)_

Pen hadn't realized her day could get any more interesting. She'd barely rested her head on her desk, sighed, before Hotch messaged everyone to meet in the conference room to discuss their new case. Knowing she could not handle seeing her possible old boss and team, possible new colleague, and the huge question mark in her brain that was her best friend without caffeine she snuck into the break room quick to pour herself a glass of coffee. Of course, she regretted her choice of neon pink 'California Babe' mug immediately.

It wasn't like her to be insecure but with her job in question and future all kinds of topsy turvy she felt herself second guessing everything. This feeling was not abated when she entered the conference room only to discover the only empty chair resided between Derek and Bryce. No amount of caffeine in the world was worth the butterflies that began.

Derek turned from her when she walked down to sit beside him. His whole body language screamed anger and she couldn't for the life of her figure out what she had done. Bryce responded quite the opposite, the moment her butt hit the chair he leaned in and whispered, "This morning I get to wow them with your genius."

"She's always wowed us with her genius on her own," Derek said through clenched teeth.

"Of that I have no doubt," Bryce responded coyly flipping a piece of her hair with his pen before he leaned back.

"I barely helped," she flushed suddenly feeling more than just the two pairs of eyes on her.

Saved by Hotch entering the room and beginning the debriefing, Garcia forced herself to look anywhere but at either man beside her. JJ met her eyes with excited questions reflected in her own and Garcia quickly directed her focus on the tablet in front of her making further eye contact impossible.

Thankfully Garcia had been fully briefed on this case prior to this morning because everything being said was white noise behind the rapid beat of her heart. It wasn't until Bryce stood and began elaborating on the discoveries the two of them had made that she began to notice anything beyond her own intake of oxygen. It was odd but every time Bryce said her name she swore she could see Derek's hand clench out of the corner of her eye.

When the meeting ended, Penelope was the first out of her seat and practically flew to the door but JJ was quicker.

"Hey P, got a sec," she asked half pulling the ambushed tech aside from the door.

"I should really get to work, backlogged and drowning in paperwork, which for this tech princess is nothing short of a nightmare..." She replied watching wistfully as the others began to file out of the room.

"Lunch then?" JJ countered.

"Oh! I…ah..sort of have plans already."

"Oh," JJ replied surprised. "Derek beat me to it?" JJ was never one to miss an opportunity like this with her best friend.

"Oh…no…I…"she stammered. "Bryce…er…Agent Jordan…and I…"

"She has a date," Derek finished coolly for her.

Both girls looked up realizing it was just the three of them.

"I see," JJ said trying to hide her smirk.

"Tomorrow?" Penelope barely whispered.

JJ nodded and left the final two of them alone.

It was quiet for a long time before Morgan finally asked, "What can you possibly be thinking?"


	7. Chapter 7

_AN: I am just gonna say I love Derek and Garcia... (I own nothing!)_

Derek's blood was boiling when he finally spoke. Between listening to Agent Jordan unprofessionally, in Derek's opinion, going on and on about how amazing Penelope was and watching his baby girl stammering like a love struck teenager to JJ he just couldn't take it anymore.

Her beautiful eyes were deer in the headlights wide and she opened her mouth several times before closing it again as if having no real idea of what to say. This, for reasons even Derek couldn't be sure of, angered him even more.

"I just don't get it Garcia. You are smarter than this. You're unfocused, acting weird, we have barely talked…"

"I," she started her voice barely above a whisper. "Can we take this into my office?" She sensed the majority of the bullpen would be doing anything short of holding a glass to the door to hear what was being said.

"Are you embarrassed to tell your coworkers that you're leaving?" He said mildly louder. "Or perhaps how happy the idea of it makes you?"

"Wait?! What? How?" she asked shocked and alarmed.

"We are family P! Isn't that what you have always said?"

"Of course! I haven't even…" she tried to interject.

"You've barely been back. Though you've been so caught up with Agent who-ever-he-is its no wonder you haven't spoke to any of us."

"That's not…" another attempt but Derek's rant continued.

"Do you have any idea how it looks? And Sam! Did you even think about him in all this?"

Pen sighed and leaned against the table, "Sam and I broke up two months prior to my trip to California."

That stopped his rant dead. A few seconds passed and he finally asked, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "You were so happy with Savannah and we hadn't really talked outside of work for a long time so I just…didn't."

"You didn't trust me to be there?" he asked sounding my hurt then angry.

"No…I… " she took a deep breath before she continued, "Derek, I'm not like you. I can't compartmentalize like you can. You kind of have a set for each aspect of your life. There's Derek Morgan the FBI agent, there's Derek Morgan and his family, and there's Derek Morgan and his girlfriend. Derek Morgan and Penelope just got backburnered is all. It happens."

"I'd never purposely do that baby girl."

"I know," she shrugged. "But I'm not sure that makes me feel better about it. I just didn't feel right coming to you at that time."

"And after?"

"After your aunt died? It didn't seem all that important."

"Okay," he said a little more calmly. "I can understand all of that. But what I don't understand is why when you haven't been home in almost two months you would rather curl up with some California cupcake then talk to any of us, especially from what I overheard Cruz saying this morning. I didn't even know you were back yet until I saw you this morning and usually I'm the one you call for rides from the airport."

"I just needed time to relax when I got home. And I'm not curling up to…" she rambled before scowling at herself. "And he's not from California, he's from here in Virginia and I know that wasn't your point… "

"Did you even think about how this might affect the rest of us? Or is Bryce all you truly think about now? Do you even care at all?"

Now she was angry, "You know what Agent Morgan? I haven't had a chance to even think this morning let alone process any of it. As far as caring? I care too much right now. Like I said I cant compartmentalize like you so a kiss is never just a simple kiss and I didn't have the fortune of being so full of whiskey that I could forget about it so I'm doing the best that I can right now. As for Bryce…Bryce is…"

"Bryce is her fiancé," Agent Jordan interjected walking up and wrapping his arm around Penelope's waist.

It was as though someone had punched Morgan in the face and Penelope went from angry to shocked, her eyes wider then ever. She went to speak but Bryce continued, "I'm sorry Pen I know you wanted to wait and I know you can stand up for yourself but I couldn't listen to him belittle you any further. She is the most amazing, caring woman I have ever met and it isn't like she asked for this position. This amazing opportunity is something she earned and she would not have to abandon anyone. She'd be in the same building for crying out loud. Maybe instead of thinking so much about how this might affect you, you could see what this could mean for her. This is the girl who has to marathon puppy videos just to sleep at night, imagine if she didn't have to look at violent images all day every day anymore."

The silence was deafening. Penelope couldn't tear her eyes away from Derek. Between the hurt and confusion in his face she barely recognized him. She thought he'd been broken the night he lost Savannah but she couldn't even quantify the pain she saw now.


	8. Chapter 8

_AN:Thanks for sticking with me and continuing to read. I'm having so much fun bringing this to life. (Character borrowing! I own nothing)_

"What did you…Why did you…"Penelope sputtered unable to get the words out.

Bryce had managed to get her back into her office after Morgan had left the conference room without a word to either of them. She was so dazed she barely registered what was happening around her, but when the door shut to her lair it was as though she a fire had been lit inside her.

Of course, rather than being frightened or apologetic as she thought he should be, Bryce was just smiling his eyes sparkling with laughter. "Is this because I never got you a ring?"

"We are not engaged!"

"Oh how you wound me my dear," he said with a mock sorrow.

"I had agreed, once! One night to…pretend to be your fiancé so your stuffy family would lay off you because I'm a good friend. But this…this… These are my friends and we are not even dating!" Her ability to form rational arguments was failing her.

"Best night of my life," he responded looking wistfully into the distance.

"Bryce…" she growled exasperated.

"Come on Garce, think about it. We are desperately adorable together."

She snorted "Sure we'd make adorable blond haired blue eyed babies but there is one factor you seem to be overlooking."

"Such as…" he asked though the grin on his face was an indication he knew exactly where she was going with this.

She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms, "You're gay."

"I thought we could find a way to work around that," He replied though clearly anything but serious.

"I'm mad at you stop trying to make me laugh."

He walked up and grabbed her hand, "I'm sorry Garce I got carried away. After everything we had talked about I never realized how madly in love with you that boy is…and I guess I thought I'd do you both a favor."

"By telling him were engaged…" she mused.

"I took the one thing from him he seems to believe is his. Hopefully it will show him not take you for granted anymore and push him to tell you that he is batshit crazy over you."

"Bryce, stop. It's like I said before, it's not like that between him and I. He doesn't feel that way about me."

"Oh please!" Bryce said rolling his eyes, "All his misplaced aggression and anger, he clearly can't stand the thought of losing you…even to another job."

"He doesn't like change."

"You cannot tell me you didn't see the look on his face when I said we were engaged."

"He was probably hurt because I didn't tell him myself," she said biting her lip. Even she thought this was a weak excuse.

"Give me one week and I bet he will be begging you to be his."

"I'm sorry. I can't lie to my friends like that," she said turning from him knowing that he'd see the real reason she didn't want to do this written all over her face...

"Don't lie," he said stepping in front of her and lifting her chin till she met his eyes. "Just don't saying anything. Just one week and I promise you that if he doesn't confess his undying love for you by then I will not speak on it again. I will clear this entire mess up and your friendships will be safe."

"I don't know…" she was horrible at lying but she knew how relentless Bryce could be. She had a very tight, very short, albeit adorable, pink sparkly skirt she had bought in California she wasn't sure she would ever wear for this exact reason. His rendition of 'tragically abandoned' garment had her practically in tears…

If a week is all it took for her to get her life back to normal and she no longer had to hear how much Derek loved her then maybe a little omission wouldn't be so bad.

"Ok," she said finally. "One week, I'm not lying outright, and then we are done talking about this."

"As my lady wishes," he said with a dramatic bow.

"I'm going to regret this aren't I?"

"No… I highly doubt it… mostly…" he said grinning.

She smiled at him and rolled her eyes.

"So the whole reason I came back to the conference room in the first place was to tell you to make sure and have your go bag all set for the 0800 flight tomorrow. They want us both in the field for this one."

"Oh," she said nervously. She hated being in the field.

"Don't worry," he said pulling her into a half hug, "your amazing fiancé will be there to keep you safe."

She laughed, "What are you going to do? Threaten to troll them via Instagram?"

"Still so little faith in me…" He shook his head. "I will have you know I happen to be a part time instructor at my aikido class."

"Yes, but we are talking murderers and kidnappers, not 5 year olds and soccer moms."

"Most days I'd take the murderers over the moms…"


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Character borrowing I own nothing! Note to self triple check you have posted the whole chapter...whoops! All good now!  
_

The doorframe barely held him up and when she opened the door Derek had to use his hand to steady himself up. He had known it was a bad idea. His flight was at eight the next morning. But as he had starred at that amber liquid in the glass in front of him hours earlier he had thought that it was likely the only way he would sleep that night. However standing in Penelope's hallway drunk and panicked was not the plan…not the plan in the slightest.

Earlier that night Derek was half bent over his kitchen island with half a bottle of Jamison on his left and his cell phone poised in front of him. He'd written half a dozen texts to Penelope before erasing every one and restraining himself from throwing his phone across the room. He had so many questions. He had so many things he wanted to say. He also, for the first time in his life, had no idea how to talk to her.

Engaged! How could she be engaged? She'd known this man for less than two months. It made no sense to him. When Kevin had purposed a few years back he had been afraid she'd say yes and he'd have truly lost her forever, but his baby girl had said no and that had been after years of dating. This guy Derek hadn't even known she was dating.

 _She's not your baby girl anymore._ The thought hit him like a freight train. He knew deep down she'd never really been his but the thought that he no longer had any chance sent ice threw his veins. How could he be what she would need him to be now? How could he pretend he was happy for her when such sorrow filled his heart? How could he let someone else take his only solace in the world?

Resting the empty glass in the sink and heading towards his bedroom he knew the answers to all these questions. If she was happy, he would stay silent for the rest of his life and he would be anything and everything she needed because she had always done the same for him.

His dreams were amplified due to the alcohol and he tossed and turned most of the night. Even in the cool autumn air, shirtless, and wrapped in only a sheet he kept waking from heated fever dreams covered in sweat.

It was the last dream that woke him completely just before dawn. God it was so real. The feel of Penelope wrapped around him. His lips meeting her hunger and he couldn't believe how good it felt having her beneath him. Kissing her felt so right and her skin was so soft.

"This feels nice," he heard himself say. God it was more than nice, he thought. She was perfect.

"Whoa baby boy, I think the whiskeys talking…" she had murmured eyes half shut.

He looked at her not sure what she was talking about and her expression was so sad. It broke his heart to have her look at him like that. He wanted to tell her that this had nothing to do with the drink but he awoke before ever getting the chance.

 _"I'm not like you," she whispered. "A kiss isn't just a kiss to me and I didn't have the fortune of being so full of whiskey that I could forget."_

The reality hit him as the memory came back piece by piece. He couldn't fathom it. Had he really kissed her? Had he truly forgotten? What did this mean and why hadn't she said something sooner?

Penelope had opened the door in pink and white pj shorts and matching top adorned with cute anime kitties. Her hair was pulled in a messy bun and sleep still tugged at her eyes.

He couldn't help but smile. This was his baby girl. She was adorable and it was sexy as hell.

"Derek, sweetie, what are you doing here?" she whispered into the hallway.

"I…" he began slowly remembering everything that had brought him to her door just shy of five in the morning. It was so important he spoke to her right away, but now he couldn't find the words.

"Do you want to come in? I can make coffee." She mentioned with a smile.

"No, baby gi-." He cut himself off. For a few more seconds that felt like eternity he was silent. The alcohol was severely impairing his ability to form a decent thought. Finally he said, "I came to apologize."

"Apologize?" she asked confused.

"I shouldn't have kissed you like that," he said quietly.

Her eyes widened and lips formed an 'O' but otherwise she said nothing.

"You are my best friend and you were there for me when I needed you as you always have been." His words were rushed and mashed together as though he couldn't get them out fast enough.

"Sweetie I," she began but he cut her off.

"I would never use you like that," he said hoping his face conveyed the conviction of his words.

"I know-"

"It's not like that for us. I don't see you like that." He had to make her understand. She was so much more. How did he possibly find the words to explain.

"I know," she replied though it was a softer reply.

"I wasn't in my head. And you were…" he went to move closer to her but he half stumbled over his own feet.

She laughed as she half caught him. "Okay my clumsy chocolate drop. My couch is calling your name and we can talk about all of this and how much I am going to kill you for driving over here drunk in the morning."

"I'm really sorry, P," he whispered.

"I know handsome. I know."


	10. Chapter 10

_AN: Hello all! I am so sorry it's been almost a month since my last post. With the holidays and family emergencies, unfortunately this got put on hold. Still got a bit of a journey to go, but if you stick with me I'm gonna keep putting chapters out til I'm finished._

Penelope dropped Derek's go bag unceremoniously onto his stomach before walking back to the kitchen to grab the two cups of coffee she'd poured a minute prior.

Sleeping had been impossible after he'd shown up at her door. She'd found the go bag in the hall and after having wrangled him mostly on the couch passed out she had proceeded to half empty the contents of her closet. She was partly packing, though she had most of that done already, partly cleaning, though ironically it was creating more of a mess, and completely internalizing and ignoring anything she was feeling. She had to be on a plane and on point in less than three hours and that left absolutely no time to fall apart.

Derek was half grumbling and sitting up by the time she'd returned.

"Good morning to you too," he half muttered.

"Just be thankful, I realized you had the good sense to take a cab here last night or it would have been an ice water wake up call," she responded handing him a mug.

He half grunted in response rubbing his head and taking a drink of the coffee.

"Hungry? I've got bagels," she asked.

She took his third grunt that morning as a yes and trudged back into the kitchen.

Derek felt awful. Not only had he been stupid enough to drink last night, but he had done so on an empty stomach. His body hated him, though he couldn't blame it.

Setting the coffee down he noticed a stack of photos spread haphazardly about her coffee table. They were clearly from Pen's recent trip.

Derek moved a few of the pictures aside revealing the one that caught his attention. Penelope looked like she'd walked out of some '40s glam magazine in a black sequined full length gown. It clutched to her curves and the back laced up like a corset. Her lips were cherry red and she was half falling forward clutched to Agent Jordan mid laugh. He was in his best black tie apparel, arms wrapped around her on the dance floor, and smiling himself. The moment was so incredibly intimate; Derek almost felt intrusive staring at it.

"Looks like you had a fantastic trip," Derek stated hoping he didn't sound as dejected as he felt.

"It was a fantastic time," Penelope said returning with bagels and cream cheese.

"Agent Jordan…seems like you and he have a great time together."

Penelope laughed, "It's hard not to with him. He's very 'in the moment.' You tend to get swept up."

"It's really great to see you smile like that," he said handing her the photo. "It seems like it's been ages."

She looked down at the photo and sighed, "I don't think I realized just how exhausted I've been. And now with the job opportunity and everything, I just, I'm not sure whether California was a long overdue vacation or if I found something so much more."

"And Bryce helped with that?" he asked hoping he sounded nonchalant.

"Bryce reminds me a lot of me, at least how I was back when I first started at the BAU, and a lot of how I want to be again."

Derek nodded listening. Even though he'd directed these questions a big part of him wanted to talk about anything other than Bryce Jordan.

"Derek, are you okay?" Penelope asked finally resting her hand on his knee, misreading the brooding as something else. "It's not like you to drink like that, except when things are really tough. I know you just lost your aunt and Savannah not even 2 months ago, but from what you were telling me things were going okay for you."

"Yeah baby girl…I, it's not anything like that." Derek said fighting himself not to say more. Even that light touch of hers sped his heart, but if she was happy…

"I'm here, always," she said hoping it didn't sound as defeated as she felt.

He looked up at her and even with her still holding the photograph all thoughts of her happiness with Agent Jordan disappeared. Ever since the dream last night, he couldn't get the feel of her against him out of his head. He reached up and tucked a rogue curl behind her ear.

"Penelope…"

Her cell started going off from the kitchen. After a few moments, she returned.

"That was the cab company. They hit traffic but will likely be here in a half hour. You should go shower and I need to finish grabbing the last of my things."


	11. Chapter 11

_AN: Enjoy! I do not own Criminal Minds, simply borrowing._

Penelope spent the entire cab ride steeling her breathing. She was a strong, beautiful tech goddess after all. No man, not even Derek Morgan, would take that from her. Stepping out of the cab onto the tarmac she was greeted by Bryce and JJ who were just walking toward the plane.

"If I was not such a secure man I would be questioning why my beautiful fiancé and her not-at-all-intimidatingly-perfectly looking work husband are arriving together in a cab just a hair shy of being late," Bryce said wrapping his arm around Penelope, half in greeting, half playfully possessively.

Derek cleared his throat, but Penelope breezed out of Bryce's grasp and began the climb into the plane stating, "No worries my sweet, I'm not nearly disheveled enough to give you any reason to fret."

Bryce laughed though he looked after her perplexed for a moment as though pausing to give this some thought.

"True," JJ interjected, "but, honestly, I still maintain you could seduce a man entirely without a single smudge of those beautiful lips of yours."

She giggled, "Okay, I retract that statement. Morgan's not nearly disheveled enough to cause concern."

"I'm so relieved…" Bryce commented his voice thick with sarcasm.

JJ took a seat next to Penelope smiling conspiratorially at her. Before Garcia could ask JJ had a pile of bridal magazines lining their laps.

"Oh no…"

"Oh yes!" JJ squeaked eagerly. "Remember how you helped plan my surprise wedding?"

Penelope swallowed hard and nodded. Bryce and Morgan had both sat down on opposite sides of her peripheral vision but she could feel both watching her now.

"Remember how I told you that it would only be fair for me to plan yours and you agreed laughing because you were convinced you would never marry?"

She nodded dumbstruck.

"Good. Then you will be happy to know I've already got us booked at bakeries, florists, and bridal boutiques throughout Virginia."

Penelope's hands were starting to shake when she lifted up the two mags in her lap. Suddenly she couldn't breathe. She hastily stood, mumbling excuse me, and wound up holding herself over the sink in the bathroom.

A small knock, a door opening and closing, and a hand on her back were registering in the very far away portion of her brain.

"JJ is…enthusiastic…" Bryce whispered cautiously.

"He remembers," she barely whispered as the first tears threatened to pour.

"So there _was_ more to this little sleep over?!" Bryce inquired a scandalous tone to his voice.

She shut here eyes and tried to slow her breathing.

"Whoa! Hey honey? What happened?" The teasing was all gone; his voice was laced with concern.

"He doesn't see me that way," she said a rogue tear escaping.

"Come here beautiful," he said pulling her into a hug. "He's an idiot."

He held her as she cried silent tears and told her he'd talk to JJ. She wouldn't have to worry about anything.

"We really need to stop meeting like this," Penelope said finally pulling away and giving Bryce a shy grin.

"I don't know what you are talking about. This is our adorable 'meet-cute.' Sure that bathroom was much larger and less airplanesque but how else do you think I fell in love with you quickly?"

Penelope laughed, "Yes nothing says adorable quite like mascara stained cheeks and laments about another man."

He pulled her chin up and said seriously, "Nothing says adorable quite like a woman with such a big heart she'd sacrificed her own happiness for years to the one's she loved. Meeting you that night I knew you were loyal, kind, and stronger then you will likely ever know."

Penelope hugged Bryce this time, afraid she'd start crying again. "We should head back. I'm sure we are about to take off. Just gimme a minute to fix my face and I will be right out."

"Come here," he said taking her hand in his and grabbing a paper towel with the other. He dabbed under her eyes and whispered, "You're perfect."

She smiled. Those were two of the very first words he'd ever said to her and she was so thankful for her new friend.

Walking back, Penelope noticed a bit of commotion toward the back. Rossi looked angry and Hotch looked irritated. Two men sat across from them, one with a very smug look on his face.

"Dalton, I see you have made yourself at home. Whatever are you doing here?" Bryce asked, his voice a cold steel.

"Agent Jordan, two of your potential unsubs have links to two large drug trafficking rings and the director has decided that our information and our _presence_ is necessary." The last bit of that sentence seemed to be directed at Rossi. Hotch already had his hand on Rossi's arm and gave the man a stern shake of his head.

"Do you routinely check up on everyone else's cases or do you make special exceptions for your little brother?" Bryce asked coldly.

"I merely responded to an interdepartmental queue placed on the name."

Penelope stopped Bryce and said, "That was my fault. I was searching the database and came upon the names. I sent the email. I didn't realize it was your brother's team or that they would be assigned to us."

She felt awful. She'd have warned everyone, especially Bryce, had she known they were going to show up like this.

"Technically you all are assigned to me, but I'm not here to quibble," he state superiorly. "You look extremely familiar to me. Have we worked together before miss…"

"Garcia, and no. We met at your mother's art gala in San Francisco a few weeks back."

"I apologize. I meet so many people at those things, but one does support family." He said giving his brother a cold look. "I'm rather pleased you remember me though."

Rossi looked practically murderous and Bryce stiffened entirely at her side. Before either could speak she said simply, "I make it a habit to remember my fiancés siblings."

The smug smile washed off his face as bitter realization spread across it.

Bryce grabbed her elbow and leaned over his voice so low only she could hear, "You don't have to do this…"

Before he could speak any further she kissed him and whispered back, "one does support family."


	12. Chapter 12

_AN:Hello all! Thanks for your patience and love! I still own nothing but I am having a blast borrowing the characters!_

Morgan could feel his blood boiling beneath the surface of his features. He knew how reckless he could be when he felt this way but in the end he was too blinded with anger that rational thought no longer registered with him.

He was driving, searching for a warehouse lead that held the possible location of three young girls. Usually child cases were enough to incite Derek to reckless behavior, but he only had one source for his rage and that man occupied the passenger seat.

When Penelope kissed Bryce on the plane before takeoff, Morgan had felt sick. After two hours of her and JJ sneaking wedding plans in between briefing documents Morgan felt crazy. But when Bryce called her baby girl that was it. He saw red.

To add insult to injury, Morgan was grouped with JJ and Bryce to investigate the warehouse. It was everything in him to focus on driving, ignore the conversation, and strain from snapping the steering wheel of the dash.

When they reached the dockyard, Bryce grabbed his phone and dialed. He had it on speaker and held it out for the three of them.

"You have reached the very irritated, glorified secretary of the pompous asshat Dalton Jordan."

Bryce chuckled and even Morgan broke his severe composure with a smile.

"My love, while you know I enjoy it when you talk dirty to me like this, I could use a little context. What did my lovely brother do this time?"

"Oh nothing…or should I say, I'm doing nothing. Nothing! 'His analyst has everything well in hand.' Pfft…sure he does. I have quite literally been told to sit pretty until I'm needed."

Bryce sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, "Great…"

"Oh and if he insinuates one more time that just because I don't have a ring I'm still technically available I'm gonna do more than spit in his coffee."

Ring…Morgan thought. There was something so tangible about that thought it made his stomach flip.

"So is it safe to assume you do not currently have access to the computer system?"

"Please! Who are you talking to? My lair may currently be a broom closet, but between the lax internet security and the woeful inexperience of Dalton's analyst I have everything I need."

"That's my girl!" Bryce said laughing. "We just need to verify the shipping container number and approximate location."

"Uploaded to your tablet right…now."

"You're the best."

"Don't I know it!"

Getting off the phone, Bryce grabbed his tablet. His smiled lingered.

"Listening to you two interact makes me slightly less angry at you for trying to take her away from us," JJ stated with a smile.

"I understand," he replied. "Having her in my life, even in just the last few months, I know what a loss if would be to each of you. I wish you could have seen her in California JJ. She lit up the very sky, she shined so bright."

"That's Penelope in general," Morgan stated before he could stop himself.

Bryce looked over at him as if regarding the profiler's words. His eyes seemed to be searching for something, and Morgan looked away under the scrutiny.

"As I am learning," was all Bryce responded.


	13. Chapter 13

_AN: Thank you to everyone who is commenting and reading, it really has given me so much confidence to keep going. Please understand I have been flushing out the next two chapters, in addition to this, and really at least wanted to share this first bit with you all. I promise to start answering some questions and coming to some resolutions very soon. I do not own criminal minds._

"Okay," Penelope breathed an exasperated sigh in the ER exam room. "So explain to me again what part of having both JJ and Bryce mere feet from you made you decide a John Wayne lone ranger scenario was necessary?"

"It wasn't exactly planned," Morgan grimaced lowering the ice pack from his forehead only to have Penelope push arm and pack right back up in place.

"You were lucky not to have been killed. If Bryce hadn't…" she shuddered not even able to finish that sentence.

"Yep, we are all so lucky Agent Jordan is with us," Morgan spat sarcastically. Thankfully it was only, mostly, his ego that got hurt when the unsub jumped him with the tire iron.

"And what is that supposed to mean? He saved your life!" She spat back folding her arms in front of her body, which from Morgan's perspective made her look equally frightening and adorable all at the same time.

If pressed, Derek probably would admit that the way Agent Jordan had snuck up on, unarmed, and masterfully subdued the suspect was quite impressive. He may even have respected the guy a bit for having never needed to draw his weapon. But by admitting any of this he would then have to yield to another admission: Bryce could protect Penelope just as well as he could and that was something he just couldn't do.

Derek growled, half out of pain, half out of frustration and spoke before he could stop himself, "He's taken the only thing that makes my life worth a damn. So, no, he didn't save my life, he prolonged my agony."

"Derek? What are you talking about?" Penelope asked bewildered.

"You, Penelope; he's taken you…"

Forgoing the ice-pack, forgetting all reason Derek grabbed Penelope and pushed her against the wall. A shocked gasp left her lips as he kissed her. As if lowering some unseen floodgate, Derek couldn't stop himself. His hands traveled the length of her back drawing her closer and she responded by wrapping herself around him meeting his kisses and hunger with her own. He half growled feeling her pressed between the wall and himself. Her skirt had crept up to mid thigh and her legs were soft under his touch. It was all his strength not to lift her onto the exam bed.

"And here you scoffed when I said without a ring you were still available…"

Penelope jumped back from Morgan with a squeak mortified. Dalton, looking even more smug and self satisfied, held out Derek's discharge papers.

Derek took them without a word and Dalton left with one last tsk and wink at Penelope, who looked as though she might cry.

"Oh god," she whispered. "What did I just do? Bryce…"

"Pen, I…"

She held up her hand and shook her head tears forming.

Looking at her now he knew. He knew what his love for her meant. He knew that if it would give her an ounce of happiness he would tear out his own heart and destroy it.

Grasping for the only thing he could think of to make her feel better he spat out, "It's just the drugs. The pain meds making me act funny. I will explain to Bryce. It was a mistake and he will understand."

Penelope froze. A thousand emotions passed over her face, but her tears stopped.

She didn't say another word…she had no words. She simply nodded and walked out of the room in a daze.


	14. Chapter 14

_AN: This is all flashback...there is a HUGE reason why Penelope freaks when Dalton catches her with Morgan...and I'm almost getting to it with this chapter! (Oh and I apologize for the sporadic-ness of my posting...I don't have a consistent time to write with school and work right now so I am literally posting this stuff as soon as I get it done.)_

After a decade in the BAU it was hard not to profile. Even though Penelope felt her amateur attempts paled against those of her family back home, she still could tell there was more going on with Bryce then he was letting on.

This was the third time since they had begun dining together that he has excused himself abruptly after a message from his phone would spoil his mood. Even tonight, returning to the table he couldn't hide the grimace from the California moonlight.

After debating several delicate ways to phrase her next questions, she reverted to what she knew best. "You understand that the only reason I work for the FBI is because my hacking skills were so dangerous it was this or jail?"

Bryce snorted a bit of wine from the drink he was taking, "I often think of your notorious life of crime prior to your brilliant life on the straight and narrow, though I can hardly imagine what would cause you to bring it up tonight."

She deliberately looked down at his phone and back up at him while saying, "I could hack your phone before dessert and still have time to use the ladies."

A smile broke his lips, though his eyes remained sad, "Ah, yes. So I take my clumsy attempt at hiding my disdain worked wonderfully," he said sarcastically.

"I work with people who scrutinize every move a person makes. I've picked up a thing or two front that, besides I've come to think of you as a friend, and I notice when my friends are uncomfortable."

After a few moments of silence, Bryce abruptly stood and threw some bills on the table. Neither of their plates had been touched but he extended a hand to her, "Walk with me?"

"Of course," she replied.

They walked along the coast for quite awhile, the only sounds were the small waves hugging the shore. The sun had dipped two thirds the way past the horizon and most of the beach was abandoned with the exception of some kids throwing a volleyball a few yards behind them.

"When I first say you, I saw myself. I mean to say, I saw the look of utter defeat in your eyes. The kind you get from loving someone wholly and still not being with them."

He stopped briefly and took his shoes off, walking a little closer to the water. He fished out his wallet and handed a picture out toward her. Penelope followed suit, kicking off her heels and taking the photo. Bryce was half wrapped around another man who looked like he was laughing and pushing the gleeful blond away from his face.

"Meeting Jacob was the best, most confounding thing that had ever happened to me. I am sure you are shocked when I tell you I am a bit of an eccentric," he stated with a faux gasp before continuing, "Well Jacob, he was not. He liked his video games, lived for his computer…not to your genius, but he was certainly a gifted hacker, and was happiest, and I must admit, cutest in messy hair and glasses practically falling off his face."

He smiled sadly down at the photo before continuing and sat down in the sand just out of the tide's reach. Staring at the sunset he continued. "I always reveled in the rebellion on my existence. Laughing at my silver spoon family with their gay son. It was a cliché I loved to exploit. I'll even go so far as to admit when I first joined the FBI, it had even been to expose the great family legacy to further shame. I hadn't expected to enjoy or excel at the position…but then I did."

Penelope sat down next to him, listening silently. She knew his family was all FBI, but she had never heard him speak so candidly about them.

"My older brother Dalton was my parents pride and joy. 'Most likely to be-' just about anything that was a pain in my ass. Sorry Garcie." He laughed at himself remembering her scolding him earlier for swearing. "You can imagine his reaction when, suddenly, the black sheep of the family was far superseding expectations and outshining the golden boy of the family. To say he reacted poorly, is putting it mildly…very mildly."

He smiled at Penelope for her patience, "Jacob was my informant. I had inadvertently created my largest faux paus by falling in love with him and suddenly I had everything to lose. A life I had created, respect I had garnered, and a man who I would have given everything up for."

He sighed and shut his eyes, the pain evident on his face. "The morning I received a call from the family's attorney about a large withdrawl from my bank account, I had no idea anything was amiss. That evening when I went to see Jacob, my world shattered. His apartment was tossed, essentials gone. He'd left. He'd left in a hurry."

"Oh Bryce," she whispered.

"Well, as you could suspect, the two hundred fifty thousand dollars was traced to an account of his and I was left to believe that the man I would have gladly given the world to had taken me for a fool."

Penelope didn't know what to say. She'd felt inadvertently used when Derek made a drunken pass at her, but she couldn't imagine what it would feel like to have the love of her life had used her so. And more than anything, she couldn't fathom how any hacker worth half a darn would ever be stupid enough to transfer that amount of money to an account in his name.

"Watching your face work this out is partly why I adore you so, Penelope Garcia. You are a singular woman," Bryce complimented with a smile. "Jacob's first encrypted message to me was simply a screen shot of code, time stamped the night prior to his vanishing. He was being hacked remotely. He was being framed and knew he couldn't stop it so he amassed what he could to try and help me find out who actually did this."

He was quiet for a long while before a dark laugh bubbled out, "I would likely never have suspected my own brother would have been capable of anything so deplorable as to frame the love of my life out of spite, had he just kept his comments to himself. But that's Dalton, you can always count on him to be a smug preening peacock."

"Are you…serious?!" she hissed angry.

"I can't prove anything of course and despite every effort I haven't been able to bring Jacob home…it's been six months."

"Bryce…"

"And to finally get to your question at dinner, the blackmail texts started about five weeks ago. According to my 'anonymous' blackmailer, I helped Jacob orchestrate the theft for insurance fraud and the supposed sale of FBI secrets."

"Phone," Penelope said hand out.

Bryce went to argue but the look she shot him stopped him dead.

After several minutes, she finally looked up eyes sparkling and a smile upon her lips, "I have an idea."


	15. Chapter 15

_AN: This is the nerd I am: Finished chapter, squealed with delight, posted for your enjoyment! Thanks for reading an reviewing! Still sadly don't own CM because if I did certain things would be VERY different haha._

 _Flashback_

 _"I feel dirty," Penelope stated chugging half of the champagne flute she'd just swiped from Bryce._

 _He grimaced, "I should never have asked you to do that." His cheeks were flushed red enough to match the little bow tie on his tux._

 _Penelope looked at his face and laughed. "No, silly, hacking it was a breeze…flirting enough to get his phone to hack, that made me feel dirty."_

 _Bryce couldn't help but laugh at her expression though his eyes remained somber. He hated putting her in such a compromising position._

 _"Buck up my beautiful fiancé," she said purposely accentuating the last word. "I have gotten more out of tonight then you know. I barely feel like myself, which is kind of exactly what I needed. What a rush! I still hate field work, but one-time sleuth working I can handle. Plus hacking like that makes me feel naughty."_

 _She winked then twirled. "And just look at this dress! No way would old Penelope ever have needed such a getup…though between you and me, I still likely would have bought it."_

 _"Are you sure you're okay playing along if he calls you?" Bryce asked._

 _"That was the whole point of the ruse. He won't be able to keep himself from pursuing your fiancé. Especially now that he thinks he has a shot. I want to nail this dirt bag and will use ALL powers at my disposal to do so."_

 _Bryce, encouraged by her enthusiasm, pulled her into a dance. "I cannot thank you enough."_

 _"Find Jacob, love him, and be happy…that will be my thanks," Penelope whispered into his ear dropping the unregistered cell she'd sent all the files from Dalton's phone to into his suit coat._

Burying down her own thoughts she narrowed her perspective to one thought: Bryce. She practically ran over any nurse, orderly, patient, machine, what have you in her way and she made it to the waiting room. JJ and Spencer sat in chairs on the opposite wall and she saw Rossi standing close to Bryce as he disconnected from the phone.

"Hey P…" Bryce started.

"I screwed up," she stated speaking almost too fast. "We need to talk."

"Garcia, are you okay?" Rossi came up concerned.

"No, I…" she started still unable to find her words and after days of holding in her feelings she broke and the tears started to fall.

"Is Derek…"Spencer began asking misreading her emotions.

"Agent Morgan will be fine. He is being discharged as we speak," Dalton said breezing into the room a vicious sneer settled on his lips. "He seems to be doing exceptionally well wouldn't you say Penelope?"

She winced and looked away feeling ashamed of her weakness. How could she have forgotten Dalton was here?

Bryce's eyes narrowed on his brother and squeezed Penelope's hand. "Whatever you have said to upset her, I expect you to apologize."

"It isn't my fault your fiancé is a whore…"

So many things happened simultaneously that Penelope wasn't entirely sure who actually made contact with Dalton's face. While Bryce had lunged forward, he had still been behind Penelope and therefore had been beaten by Rossi by mere seconds.

"Bryce…I'm sorry," he heard her say behind him.

"Pen, it's okay," he said turning back and kissing her forehead.

"No…I…I'm…"

"You're perfect, as always," he said smiling and handing her his phone.

The email at the top sent her further cascading through another emotional roller coaster.

"This is the same case?" she whispered in disbelief.

"Just confirmed, Garcie you did it!"


	16. Chapter 16

_AN: We are getting closer to the conclusion of this crazy ride and I'm so happy for everyone who has read and reviewed! Thanks for helping me realize a dream of sharing my passion for writing with others. I don't own CM._

"I still feel dirty," Penelope stated. She was leaning against a desk staring through the glass to the small room beyond. Dalton was covering the left side of his face with an ice pack though a clear purple ring was visible around his eye. He was in pain that was clear but his facial expressions were a parade of rage, confusion, and stoic indignation. "I don't care how many bubble baths I have between then and now I will never be able to rinse off that dirt bag."

"Look on the bright side, we got the bad guy," Bryce, who was leaning on the desk beside her, replied looking elated.

"Yeah, but…" she wasn't really sure what she was trying to say. Finally she blurted, "At least Rossi got to punch him…I'd rather have done that. At least once…"

The Italian to her right laughed, "Technically, I wasn't supposed to that. That's why I'm in a time out, out here with you two."

"Am I in a time out?" Penelope squeaked looking slightly alarmed. "I didn't mean to jeopardize your investigation."

"No, silly girl, for the millionth time in the last hour, you are absolutely fine. We have both been recused from the investigation. The data you downloaded to my phone at the gala I originally assumed was a case Dalton was working on, and having cracked part of the code from the case I sent it along for further processing."

"That where I get fuzzy," Penelope interrupted. "How did you wind up on this case anyway?"

"This case was being sent to your team, since my director wanted me to woe you from the BAU he thought this case would give me ample opportunity to do so. I was suspicious of Dalton's mysterious interest in my investigation but I could not voice my concerns, not without proof. When he showed up you offered to continue the ruse before I even had a chance to explain."

Rossi raised an eyebrow at Penelope, but otherwise remained silent.

"And while Dalton and the rest of the team was heading to the hospital to check on Derek, I sent word to Hotch that we had apprehended the man at the shipyard and for him to meet me at the precinct," Bryce continued. "I couldn't be sure Dalton was involved with the trafficking and money laundering in this case, but once it was confirmed by the perp we apprehended at the shipyard and the correspondence between his and Dalton's phone well here we are and we can't be a part of the investigation anyone."

"So my…um, incident, didn't ruin the plan?" she half stuttered out. Rossi still hadn't heard the whole story, but she had blurted everything out to Bryce on the car ride from the hospital to the station.

Bryce laughed heartily, "darling, I promise you, you did nothing wrong and even if we hadn't apprehended one of his contacts, you sacrificing your happiness for mine was never the bargain we made."

"No, I know that…I just…"

"You just have a heart bigger than anyone I have ever met and I love you for it, but sometimes Pen, sometimes its okay for you to put you first."

Rossi, though clearing unclear about the direction of the conversation, he knew Penelope well and nodded in agreement.

"Quiet you, you're on time out," she laughed.

Watching Hotch and JJ taking turns going rounds with Dalton was quite amusing…neither one of them was playing good cop.

Rossi's phone beeped and he checked it. "Spencer and Derek just arrived. I'll go bring them up to speed."

Penelope's heart flipped a little, hearing his name and she watched Rossi leave the room.

"You can tell him now you know," Bryce said quietly. "Derek."

Her only response was a sad smile. What would it even matter now?

Penelope turned to Bryce and changed the subject, "Were they able to link anything from his phone to your account?"

"Still not confirmed, but the lead on the investigation now believes Jacob was framed."

"He can come home."

He laughed, "It looks that way."

She half squealed and pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you Penelope," he whispered in her ear.

Though the last few days had gone by in a blur, Derek was glad to be home. So much had happened in such a short amount of time, it felt like an eternity had passed since he lost his aunt and in a way lost Penelope as well. He'd spent so much time lately feeling sorry for himself that he barely felt like himself, so he decided he would return to the thing he knew. He was already in works to purchase a new house to renovate and hoped that throwing himself into his hobby would bring him some stability to the chaos.

Work was a little easier to bear after the case ended. To his delight both Jordan brothers were no longer working with them. It was definitely for different reasons, though Derek was not sad to see Dalton get incarcerated in the least.

Bryce Jordan occasionally stopped by to see Penelope, who as of next week would be teaching one day a week for his department. Having all but threatened to shut down both departments if she wasn't allowed to keep her original job, both departments worked out a compromise. While she remained distant from Derek, lunch dates with Bryce were now an almost daily occurrence. The dynamic between them remained friendly, though Derek had noticed a difference in their interactions after the hospital.

He hated the thought, had all but decided to let it be, but he refused to be the cause of any more pain of Penelope's, so that evening he was sitting at one of his favorite bars waiting to make things right as best he could.

Bryce didn't smile as he walked up to the table, which confirmed Derek's suspicion that Penelope had told him about his indiscretion.

"Agent Morgan," Bryce said as he sat down across from him.

"Agent Jordan," Morgan said fighting the ire rumbling in his belly. He knew that he was in the wrong, but he couldn't completely shut off that part of himself that wanted to tear Bryce Jordan apart.

Bryce ordered a drink and they both sat in an awkward silence as they waited for the waitress to return.

"Listen," Derek began after they both had a beer in front of them and after he'd taken a drink, "I know Penelope, so I know she told you."

Bryce raised an eyebrow, nodded, but otherwise remained silent and unable to read.

"I…It… Look she, what happened wasn't her fault," Derek started not exactly sure how to phrase this, especially considering it was crushing him trying to speak it.

"Oh?" Bryce said a hint of what almost sounded like amusement in his voice.

"She will beat herself up that it happened, but she did nothing wrong. I crossed a line. She is my best friend but she is your fiancé, and I wanted to apologize to you. I see the happiness in her that you bring out and I know she will try to push you away but, it was my mistake…"

Bryce held up a hand, face incredulous, "Please tell me you didn't tell her for the _second_ time that you thought kissing her was a mistake."

Derek balled his hand up on the table. He just needed to get this out and then leave. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths.

"Lord help me," Bryce interjected before downing the remainder of the drink in front of him and signaling for another. "I'm going to say this only once: my 'fiancé' is hopelessly helplessly albeit endearingly in love with you and I just cannot understand it. You should be falling all over yourself to be with her and yet here you are telling me how I should make her happy. I can do a lot for that women, trust me I would move heaven and earth if I could, but I will never be what makes her happy. And that's simply because I'm not Derek Morgan. I'm not you."

Derek was silent. Shocked and flabbergasted.

"She's going to kill me…she's not my fiancé," Bryce said finally shaking his head. "She is simply a girl who is too kind hearted to say no to helping a friend."

Bryce had to laugh at the dumbfounded look on Derek's face. "And here I thought I could return the favor. But she's right….or at least she will never be given a reason to know she's wrong. You will never tell her how you feel because you think you are doing her some favor and she will never tell you how she feels because she truly believes you could never have 'those' feelings for your best friend. So you it will always be 'not like that for us' super emphasis on the air quotes and I will have failed and you both will remain unhappily in love with each other. "

Derek's mind was reeling and uttered out the only thing he could, "Not…your…fiancé…?"

"Nope. Just her imposing fairy godfather who should have left well enough alone because you, sir, give me a headache."


	17. Chapter 17

_AN: So I have come to the end of my journey and I am so thankful for all of you who have read and reviewed. Please let me know what you thought of this first effort!_

"This is silly," Penelope remarked as she shimmied the corset over her head and down around her waist.

"Nope. This is fun," she heard Bryce call from beyond the fitting room door. He was beaming she was sure. "Besides free cake and free champagne, I don't see a downside."

"You're not the one drowning in tulle, mister!" She huffed trying to find the bottom, the top, heck any way out of this dress.

"You're both wrong," JJ piped in. "This is sweet revenge! Perhaps next time you will let me in on your scheme right away." Penelope could hear the laughter behind the words.

"There wasn't any time," she half whined as she stepped out into the bridal shop exterior. Looking like some metallic 80's Little Bo Peep, she added, "Satisfied yet?"

Snorting JJ replied, "Yep, this definitely makes me feel better."

Snapping a photo Bryce said, "New wallpaper for my phone."

"I will erase you from existence and you will wish you were dead, but you can't die because you don't exist!" she declared lunging for the phone.

"I hear this look is very in the year," he replied dodging and snapping another photo.

"I still don't know why you aren't being punished here," she said still chasing the little bugger around the room.

"Because he isn't my best friend," JJ said laughing at them both.

"I am so sorry I lied to you sugar! It will never happen again." Stopping at JJ's feet she sighed defeated, "Can we please admit I have suffered enough?"

Leaning back, JJ grabbed a garment bag behind her and smiled, "Indulge me one more and I'm done."

Penelope groaned and begrudgingly took the bag. Thankfully it was lighter, significantly lighter, then the one she currently had on.

Several minutes of cursing and fighting she wrangled out of the dress she had had on and opened the bag. Penelope gasped.

Unlike every other garment she had tried on today, this one looked beautiful. It literally took her breath away. It was as if JJ had found the one dress she had dreamed of wearing all her life.

She shook as she put it on, taking extra time and care not to tear the soft silk and lace fabric. Stepping out she realized both her companions had stepped out. She was alone when she stepped on the dais and finally looked at herself.

Several seconds passed and she stared transfixed. She knew she could love clothing, but this dress was beyond anything she had ever put on.

"You look beautiful, baby girl." She heard him say behind her.

She smiled at Derek and turned, a little of the magic diminishing as reality crashed back into her.

"You missed the real fun," she whispered trying to calm her breathing. "But despite my best efforts Bryce has pictures, so you really didn't miss much."

Derek stood awkwardly silent, seemly transfixed. She'd expected at least a chuckle, but then again, things really had changed so much between them. So much she wanted to say, and yet so much she just couldn't anymore.

"I should change," she said finally.

"How long have you loved me?" he blurted out.

Penelope missed the dais with her foot and about fell face forward but Derek caught her.

He looked her straight in the eye, "I need to know how long I have missed out on you, baby girl." He said seriously, but then chuckled, his whole composure relaxing.

"That's not funny," Penelope said stiffening up and turning from him. This was too much, she'd hurt too much. She couldn't bring herself to face him but instead spoke to the reflection before them. "What if I said I have always loved you Derek? That I've always felt that deep down there was a place in my heart that belonged only to you. That every time you tell me you love me or call me your solace a part of me dies inside because I know that the love I have for you goes far deeper than mere friendship."

He tried to speak but she closed her eyes over tears and continued, "I thought I could be your baby girl, your best friend. I thought I could swallow those feelings because I was happy in our friendship and though it killed me I could love you alone. But then you kissed me…drunk or not it was real for me and it shattered any wall…any barrier I had built. I tried to pretend it didn't happen, but it haunted me and now I know the truth. No matter what you think of me, I can't pretend anymore. I can't pretend I'm just your friend. "

Derek silently turned her to face him, but her eyes with shut tight.

"I'm so sorry." He said solemnly caressing her tear stained cheeks.

"You were drunk, you didn't even know what you were doing," she laughed half hysterically.

"No sweet baby girl. I'm so sorry I never told you what you truly mean to me. How much I have always loved you and how much I have always needed you."

"I know, I just can't be that girl anymore. It hurts too much."

"Hush, you don't know. I'm telling you I love you. Not as my best friend, but as so much more. I have wanted you Penelope since the moment I laid eyes on you, and have loved you so deeply ever since. I thought I could never be the man you deserved or that you would never take me seriously. I had a million reasons to keep my heart closed from you, but I only need one thing from you and you can have it, me, whatever, for as long as you'll have me.

"What?" she asked meekly.

"Look at me baby girl."

Her heart was pounding, terrified, but she couldn't help herself. She slowly opened her big blue eyes and she was completely unprepared for the look on his face. It reminded her of the first time he told her he loved her.

"I want to kiss you now Penelope Garcia. No alcohol, no pain meds, no fiancés, no reservations. I want to kiss you as I always should have."

When his lips met hers any fear, any doubt melted. She melded to his body and he wove his fingers in her hair. All thoughts drifted from her as she tasted the truth in his words and felt the years of suppressed desire in his touch.

"Baby girl," he murmured against her skin.

"Hmm," she replied unsure she'd ever be able to form real words again.

"Bryce bought you the dress you're wearing," he whispered, smiling conspiratorially. "He said something about having a feeling you will need it in the near future."


End file.
